Tonight I feel kind of old and sad and worn and tired. I should probably be proud of myself, or feeling something that resembles satisfaction. I do a little, I guess. Things have been OK, in this new life I fell into, but it’s still foreign and weird. I miss ending the day with being held by someone I love, someone who cares about me separate from the tallies of successes and failures. That typically makes it easier to deal.

Master of metaphor Brian Fallon puts it nicely tonight, with something about lions and burying faith. Amazing how we can feel so much one day, be so full of passion and life and fire, and be so devoid of it so soon down the road. This is a chorus that’s hard not to relate to, and the build-up is perfect.

Amazing how I can second guess myself, even at this age, the same way I did a decade ago. Much like the love you lost, your demons never lose you.

“There are no reasons to believe

I buried my faith in an unmarked plot 
With your heart and your clothes 
When I find that I don’t feel you or recall
I’ll put your bones out in the yard 
Someone else to be called and called by

And I cannot hold a candle for every pretty girl 
We were strangers many hours
And I missed you for so long
When we were lions, lovers in combat
Faded like your name on those jeans that I burned 

But I am older now 
And we did it when we were young
~We Did it When We Were Young 
The Gaslight Anthem, American Slang
All I can really find solace in is music, and just like that, we are right where we started. 
I have to tell myself: You can run all you like, but you’ll never outrun those angels, or those demons.