It’s difficult for me to explain why I’ve made some recent decisions in my life. But when your insides don’t match your outsides, sometimes complete departure, forcing the fall to rock bottom, is the best way to build a new life. A better life, even.

But the intermediate is a dark, lonely place, where everything you pass might the window you should’ve opened, the path you should’ve taken. But there is no should, there is only going through now to get to the later.

“I was born in a town where the rivers flow free
On a January night when the cold winds freeze
I got an Irish name and an injury
Blessing and a curse cast down on me
Ain’t nobody got the blues like me
Ain’t nobody got the blues like me

Was a blood red sky on the morning tide
Was a cold wind blowing when I left that night
And the morning bells rang, alright, alright
Shoulda stayed home with you that night
Ain’t nobody played the fool like I
Ain’t nobody played the fool like I

Things got bad and things got worse
Half like blessing, half like curse
It’s these blessings so hard to see sometimes
Gotta little clearer about dusk last night
Ain’t nobody got a blessing like mine
Ain’t nobody got a blessing like mine

It’s a red sky night and I’m doing alright
It’s a red sky night and I’m doing just fine”

~Red at Night
The Gaslight Anthem, Sink or Swim